I know I'm not the only person having the ability to truthfully say this: I have an undeniable issue with saying “no” to people. It's awkward, instantly shuts people down, and reluctantly sometimes; I am a huge people-pleaser. I am always looking over my shoulder to see who dislikes me, and my immediate reaction of anyone coming forward with complaints is to think about a million ways of how I can change that (sometimes even with individuals I barely know). For reasons uknown, I can't stand the thought of someone disliking me, so I will do whatever I can to change their opinion.
Recently, I've noticed people benefiting from this and I guess I never paid it any attention in the past because I assumed things are always my fault and it is always up to me to fix them. This is totally untrue. We are all human, we are all accountable for our actions and that we don't have to do everything people demand of us. I certainly have a problem with accepting this because I can't stand the thought of someone being unhappy when it could've been prevented. I am learning increasingly more everyday that it's okay to say nah, no thanks, and also to admit that you don't want to/don't have to help. Here are 7 explanations why it's okay to say “no” to individuals:
1. You have your own life
Sometimes, even if it's last minute and you are headed out the door, people expect you to drop all your plans (because you have in the past) and do what they are asking of you. For example, if I was genuinely not doing anything and I was okay with driving a friend somewhere, I would do it, no problem. But there are plenty of times I want to do things I WANT to do, so I need to acknowledge my needs and stop feeling bad about thinking of doing a whole lot of nothing.
2. They ask favors all too frequently
There are some people who just ask the same favor over and over and take a liking to the same response they seem to be getting from you. This is called taking advantage of your generosity. Break that cycle quick and learn that it's okay not to be so predictable all the time.
3. You're only doing it out of obligation
It's one thing to do something nice for someone because you genuinely want to, but it's a whole other story to do it out of guilt or obligation. Just because you have your own things to do and also you don't want to set them aside to impress someone else, does NOT make you a poor person. It just means, like them, you possess a life too!
4. Your friend is going to be mad if you don't help them out
How much of a “friend” can somebody really be when they get upset with you because of not helping them out whenever you couldn't? Whether it be you had an errand to operate or a workout to go to (it truly doesn't matter), it's not fair of these to be angry with you.
5. You don't “owe” them one
Just because you needed a favor and were helped out, does not mean there is a tally sheet on offer for who owes who what. If someone chose to help you out, that's on them. Tthere shouldn't be expectations that since someone did something nice for you, that you should be at their beck and call for when they need the favor returned.
6. You could do everything right and still be wrong
When you know in your gut that you shouldn't make a move, but do it anyway, you're doomed to manage the consequences. You could go above and beyond and often still fall short. Some people expect everything on the planet (for some bizarre reason) and that is not fair to you, because you, in turn, feel like you fail them. If you just went with your gut feeling, in the beginning, you wouldn't feel like you came up short.
7. You're allowed to be selfish
This may appear crazy, but you're allowed to consider yourself every once in a while. Usually, you put everyone else's needs first and yours second. Stop! Be selfish! If you don't want to do something for someone, don't feel obligated to. BE FREE!
I am definitely responsible for wanting to please and impress other people constantly. I tend to push my needs aside and see what I can do to create other people happy. But, I am starting to learn that it is okay to be selfless every once in a while. There's no need to feel obligated or guilty when saying “no”. There's always going to be someone you can't impress anyway, so don't strain yourself trying to do everything they request. You matter too!
