I was only a high school senior initially when i first arrived at the therapeutic riding center Equi-librium Three years ago. I felt lost; I didn't know what I was doing with my entire life or what I truly wanted.. I was hurting, but I wasn't ready to understand my pain. I wasn't quite ready to accept myself; I was trying to be everything but my true self. The truth was right in front of me, but I couldn't see it. Or rather, I didn't want to see.
When I mounted the horse during my lesson, though, I knew that my pain would only hold me back. Basically truly wanted to become a better rider, I would need to work through everything that internally stood in my way. I had to turn the pain and fear inside myself into power and persistence.
Anyone who rides horses will tell you that riding is all about feeling. It's about finding your balance. It's about being aware of the horse's body and feeling their movement underneath you.
Riding educated me in how to connect with myself in ways I never dreamed possible.
I can't state that you have to feel to ride, nor can one say that I completely understand how to feel connected. For me, the inability to feel provided the motivation to master riding. As I've walked, cantered, and trotted, and halted, I've worked to exhibit the world that “different” doesn't mean “less.” Riding helps me live, love, and grow. It's pushed me to become the best version of myself, but most importantly, to be myself.
So I stopped trying to pretend that I could feel, and began accepting who I really was and where I was in life. I learned how you can set my baggage down and ignore it. When I stopped trying so difficult to hide my true self, everything became easier. I was no longer walking on eggshells, attempting to hide myself. The darkness inside me no longer stopped me from finding my very own light.
Somewhere inside my hurting body, I knew there is something better- something stronger, something real.
That drive provides me with the fire to keep going, never to stop. Even on my weakest days, I choose perseverance. That burning desire to find myself kept me happening the days when I questioned everything or felt frustrated that I couldn't connect with my horse. All I desired to do was remember what lengths I'd already come, then keep going. I just needed to remember things i was really fighting for: myself.
6 months ago, I started cantering again. I was weak, I struggled, but I refused to stop. I knew that if I wanted to keep growing, I desired to summon my strength. So I started working with a personal trainer, and now, I'm at the gym 6 days per week. I've set new goals, and i am ready to reach them. My new goal? Learn how to jump, and start competing in horse shows.
The biggest thing I've learned is the fact that riding can only teach you that which you choose to let it.
I've learned to persevere. I've learned that if you want something badly enough, you'll use your will, determination, and courage to do whatever it takes to reach your goals. Riding has educated me in that when you stop overthinking, you realize life is only hard because you've made it that way. It's taught me to never forget what you're designed to accomplish.
Riding has taught me you need to be brave enough to test, to fail, to fall, and also to get back up again. You grow if you select to keep going. That's where you discover your full potential and grab onto it. Those moments when you hit very cheap teach you to rise. It all starts with being true: true to yourself, in keeping with your situation (no matter how ugly), and true to those around you. Riding educated me in to be true, and that is the most freeing feeling in the world.
Feature Image by Fabrizio Verrecchia on Unsplash
