Recently, a thought hit me, completely without warning. It struck me silently, but, such as the force of an oncoming train, it compelled me to immediate action.
I'm alive, however i haven’t been breathing.
To an outsider considering the vast labyrinth of my mind, my thought would seem to become an impossible contradiction. One must breathe to reside,after all. But I no longer wanted to breathe to simply survive. I needed to breathe with purpose.
Reflectively.
Meditatively.
I wanted to breathe in the way I rarely have since graduating from college.
When I had been in college, one of my professors began every class by leading her students in a breathing exercise. We were expected to breathe diaphragmatically and to acknowledge the presence of any thoughts we may have during the exercise, but then to return our collective focus towards the breath.
Inhale. Exhale.
Those few minutes at the beginning of every class became my purest type of relaxation. As I breathed, all of my worries slipped away–the stresses of midterms and finals, the possibilities of running an honor society, the oh-so-important college drama that now seems meaninglessly petty. In those moments, the classroom was a sanctuary, like a respite from the harsh outside world of papers, projects, and college politics.
Inhale. Exhale.
But then, the category ended, and so did my habit of breathing. I convinced myself which i was too busy for reflection. I warned myself the time had come to become serious about school — and just school — if I truly wanted to graduate Summa Cum Laude. No breathing. No relaxation. Only classes, studying, and obligatory extracurriculars.
Inhale. Hold the breath.
As life became a blur of classes, Mock Trial practices, papers, projects, and club meetings, my stress mounted. I desperately needed an outlet to quell the thoughts and feelings that threatened to overtake my thoughts. The solution lie directly in front of me, but I refused to apply it. I needed time to make my dreams a real possibility, and I believed self-care was too time-consuming, too frivolous. To my perfection-focused mind, a meager two-minutes of reflective breathing per day seemed too much to allow.
Continue holding the breath.
Until I took another class with the same professor. Spotting me in the center of the first row, she asked me, point blank, if I had been doing the breathing exercises.
“Uh- I've been kind of busy. I took 19 units last quarter!” I responded sheepishly.
“That's exactly when you should have been doing the breathing!” she said, with gentle laughter.
I was too proud to confess to her what I knew within my heart: She was right.
I began taking a few moments to breathe each day.
Exhale. Release the breath.
Now, as I grapple with the challenges of my job like a respite care worker, I hear the echoes of my former professor's voice within my head, telling me I should take the time to breathe, telling me to focus on the breath, and I know I need to recommit myself to self-care. I know I need to take a few moments each day — a respite from respite work, a rest from life — and breathe. Just breathe.
Inhale. Exhale.
You may go through pressure to rush through life, to be “the one who does it all.” You might feel tempted to neglect your own needs in the process of reaching your goals. But, as the stress you feel continues to build, you must not forget to breathe. Slow down, relax, and focus on the steadfast constancy of your breath. As you breathe, you will create a mental sanctuary, a retreat in the demands of life. The weight of the world will slowly dissipate, causing you to be in a state of impenetrable calm. You will emerge refreshed, renewed, and clear-headed, prepared to handle all of life's challenges.
Inhale. Exhale.
Take a moment to breathe.
