Your alarm clock goes off but you find it difficult to get out of bed. You're exhausted and your legs feel as heavy as your eyelids. You blindly pick a dress-up costume just for the sake of getting one — it's black to mirror your mood. You may make breakfast even though you aren't in the mood to consume it. And let's be honest, it's probably just going to be coffee.
You endure the day feeling like you've barely done anything. All you could focus on was getting back to bed. You have been exhausted despite having a deep sleep the night time before. You're drained mentally and that's the most debilitating form of exhaustion and unconsciousness there is.
The things that usually excite you aren't a priority anymore.
Sure, you watch your shows and crack a smile or shed a tear, but you aren't as invested as you usually are. The second your smile fades, it's to the dark reality you're living in. Even your friends can't help you since you can't even identify why you feel this way.
You feel like a real asshole because you're not the individual you normally are. You feel like you're treating people poorly when they've done nothing to you. Turning down invitations is the first red flag, but then it'll develop into forcing fake laughter to seem polite when you don't even want to be there. Then avoiding social contact as much as possible becomes the last straw.
You know it could be worse.
And you can remember of that all you want, but somehow it doesn't change anything. You can't be feel better and consequently, you feel as an asshole, knowing other people get it far worse. Even considering your blessings can't fix what's broken inside of you. Instead, you just feel numb. And because of that numbness, you fear being ungrateful while you know you aren't.
Then you feel just like a loser for being tethered to your bed despite wanting to break the cycle. You've goals you want to achieve and trivial daily tasks you know you need to get done. But you're can not push through that sadness. Being unproductive enables you to feel worse, but you will not help it.
It's not like you chose to awaken feeling useless or hopeless. It simply kind of happens with no explanation, cause, or reason. It may be a result of lacking a purpose or trying to find a new reason to be happy and live. However it won't debilitate you for long.
Eventually, the painful sadness will be gone and you'll return back to normal eventually. Sadly, no one is immune to this sort of feeling; money, privilege, and lifestyle choices make no difference. Everyone's a target of overwhelming sadness sooner or later — even if there's no clear cause. Sure, it might come back and make you feel powerless again, however, you know it'll be gone, just like it had been before.
For anyone who can relate or is going through it right now, you're not alone. So many people feel the same insufficient motivation, debilitating sadness, and exhaustion. Don't concentrate on making it to tomorrow. Just make it through today and just worry about that. And as every day comes, you'll continue to combat it before you start to feel like your beautiful self again.
