Imagine a movie theater filled with regular seats aside from one giant, red, velvet chair. When you sit, you sink way into the plush, cozy material and you realize that you're right in the center of the very back row – the holy grail of movie theatre sweet spots. I like to call this the third-party point of view – the best spot in the audience from which you can watch the situation play out. From this view, giving advice is really as easy as breathing because you're emotionally disconnected: the thing is the facts as simply monochrome.
Giving advice is really easy, and anyone can do it when they aren't immediately active in the situation. If a friend is handling a break-up, an argument, or anything stress-related, the reply to the problem is usually clear as day for you. So, why does life seem to get so blurry when we are the ones directly involved in the problem?
Often, it's emotions that blur our judgment. I could not possibly list the countless instances when I didn't know how to react since i was way too emotionally involved. I could feel myself searching for the red movie seat, however i was usually in the totally wrong movie theater. I was lost in a sea of anger and sadness, and when I had only removed these in the equation, I probably would have found the answer on my own. So why didn't I?
We are extremely opposed to removing ourselves from your own sticky situations for a while. We fight the urge to curl up in the red chair and watch the movie from afar. This is probably because the emotions seem too important to compromise. What I can tell you, though, is that emotions are ever-changing, fluctuating, rather than static. Actions are definitive and they have consequences. While you shouldn't abandon what you feel altogether, it is definitely beneficial to step back and study the situation as if you weren't the main actor in the show. What would you tell your friend to do if she was in your shoes?
To be capable of bask in the glory of the third-person point of view, we must believe in ourselves and in our self-realization. You know yourself much better than anyone else – you know your desires, needs, rationale and disposition. When you realize that you know yourself the best, finding the third-person point of view will start to come easily because you can separate the wants in the needs. You'll find the ability to understand that you can't always get what you would like, but you can get what you need.
Finding the total amount between emotions and rational thinking could possibly get tricky, but turning to your friend is a waste of a perfectly good advisor: yourself. While it can seem like there are a lot of stairs between you and the red chair, when you are there and sit down you'll never want to leave.
