When do you consider someone a friend?
Is it when you regularly meet up for drinks? If you notice them as an extension of your family? Everyone has a different definition of the word “friend,” so friendship can be a tricky thing when we all approach it so differently. Friendship is especially tricky when you are an easygoing person who lets all kinds of people to you before even defining for yourself what you need in a friend.It's almost impossible to be my friend these days. My requirements are so high that no mortal being can reach them. It's as if I sabotage my friendships purposely so that no one can come close in my experience.
My trust in people is so low that I fail to open myself up to meet new friends.
I don't even bother to determine friendships anymore when I realize that they will just turn into superficial relationships by which we only meet up to complain and enjoy daily gossip.
To me, friendship isn't about seeing one another on a regular basis, nor is it about seeing one another only when we're wasted for fun on saturday.
It's not using each other as laughingstocks to wash away the tense feelings that have been floating around the room. Friendship is not about being polite to each other's faces but feeling frustrated behind each other's backs when you don't have the guts to tell your bestie how you really feel.
However, it is also not about hurting your friend since you don't consider the consequences of your honesty. When your friend's feelings are at stake because you were too blunt, you need to really take a good, close look at yourself to check whether you are being a decent human being, not to mention a good friend.
On the other hand, I also know what I need to bring to the table to be a good friend. I don't like half-assing my friendships; there is no middle ground for me. To me, friendship is all or nothing, which means that you are either my friend for life or completely dead in my experience.
My first rule for being a good friend?
Let go of your ego and become aware of your actions.
Know when to shut in serious situations, know when to speak up to help, and know when you should let go. Understand when to apologize so when to take the blame. Know how to listen and bring your friends' concerns seriously. Know how to genuinely say sorry for those who have hurt someone, no matter whether or not it was on purpose.
Friendship is all about cooperation.
There's no need to keep score of how well you are playing the game.
Friendship doesn't have to be tricky, but we play f*cked-up mind games with each other, which makes it too complicated. We enter someone's life and begin to think we know them well, so we put enormous amounts of rely upon them without ever questioning if they'll hurt us.
When our friends do mess up, consciously hurt us or breaking our trust, we discover ourselves dumbfounded. The whole situation seems laughable, surreal to the stage that we're in a state of shock, struggling to comprehend what the f*ck actually happened.
I'm neglecting to open up myself again due to the betrayal that comes with friendship. For me, making friends is as tricky as gambling. I keep trying because I want to win, but I always wind up losing, going home with empty pockets.
Even though I usually feel like I’m losing out on the kinds of friendships I want, I’ll never give up trying to find those deeper connections. I’m trying to find someone who won’t just go out for brunch for me personally, but who will also truly understand me.